FAWM: "Kind and Polite"

Kind and Polite

2 weeks ago by @spinhead

Liner Notes

#pop #piano #sad #hopeful #slowcountry #altcountry #altfolk #autism

Welcome to autism.

Yeah, I'm one of those adults who was diagnosed after a lifetime because my youngest child was finally officially diagnosed a few months ago (though it's been obvious her whole life.)

The fact that I am highly intelligent and very socially aware makes people oblivious to the fact that I often miss social cues, and sometimes I'm thinking down a very different path from others—and someone's toes get stepped on.

And what's most confusing to me is that sometimes people who I think know me well assume bad motives when all that's really going on is some confusion. Really? Do my years of being kind and polite suddenly mean nothing because there's been some confusing communication?

Sixteen years ago I wrote a manifesto called "Manners Matter" (you can find it online if you search for my full name, Joel D Canfield, and that title.) It's about business, but, like, not really.

Manners matter to me. Please, be kind, and polite. It costs a modicum of effort, and it changes the world.

Lyrics

I thought before I said it
and it all made sense in my head
And I don't understand
why you don't understand what I said

I thought you knew we were friends
that I'd never say something so mean
that I'd never let something meaningless
come between

but it seems like

I keep trying to do what's right
I keep trying to be kind and polite
so why do they all act like I'm picking a fight?
'cause I'm just here trying to do what's right

thought I'd lend a hand
to help you out
now you act like I called you names;
what's that about?
I don't think you're weak,
don't think you're a fool
didn't mean to upset you
wasn't trying to be cruel

I keep trying to do what's right
I keep trying to be kind and polite
so why do they all act like I'm picking a fight?
'cause I'm just here trying to do what's right

what did I do to make you underestimate me like that?
did I kick your dog or drown your cat?
or is it just that you're already looking for a fight
and you just can't imagine
somebody like me tryin' to do what's right?

it gets in my head, messes with my mind
it keeps chipping away at my will to be kind
so I keep pushing back, I will be what I'll be
might not do it for them, but I'll do it for me

I keep trying to do what's right
I keep trying to be kind and polite
so why do they all act like I'm picking a fight?
'cause I'm just here trying to do what's right
and I won't quit trying
to do what's right

Comments

@wynia 2d

Oops, realizing I skipped over the bit about your own parallel to your daughter. Now the first person makes more sense. Lovely listen again 💚 All the best!

@wynia 2d

A hard topic handled with such grace through song. You’re a good parent. Is your kiddo old enough to hear and appreciate the love in this song? If not save it for the future. Lovely listen 💚

@frozenlonesome 2w

Nice reflection on what can be a difficult subject to talk about. I learned over time and it was not an easy lesson to accept, is that there’s no accounting for people, they can be equally understanding and erratic. At the end of the day, we can’t be responsible for wha5 other people think of us or anything else for that matter. Thanks for sharing!

@philnorman 2w

A topic near and dear to my heart, and this is a strong lyrical exploration of it. I appreciate the gentle weariness in your voice, the tired but hopeful patience. That's kind and it shines through.

I have lots of rambling theories (that may or may not have any truth to them) about why manners are disappearing, like our cultural obsession with individualism, and the bubbles we create online and IRL (with drive thrus and, well, cars in general) where we don't get "real" feedback about how what we do or say makes people feel... the lack of feedback is similar to why nazis feel safe to not get punched these days, which is counter to being nice and kind, so maybe I need to listen to your song again.

@joeycyclone 2w

Such honest and moving words.

I've just found and read 'Manners Matter'. You deliver what should be such a simple message with clarity, and yet all these years later it seems even harder to find. Interesting that when you wrote this both FB and Tw---er had been available to the public for less than 2 years, we now seem to be going backwards.

@heather 2w

Beautiful reflection on the sadness if being misunderstood and feeling unseen. I like the way it starts out very spare and then the instrumental builds up!

@theodamus 2w

Relatable, reflective - such a frustrating subject but you’ve made it calm like a mantra, the sense of self and whats right even through what others misunderstand. Beautiful work