FAWM: "ash in the air"

ash in the air

Liner Notes

i am… famously or notoriously (depending on who you ask) not a writer who obscures things. but something happened recently, and i needed to write about it without saying what the something was. i guess the only way i know how to do that is by using way too many extended metaphors and relying solely on imagery.

the situation that inspired me to write this was NOT an abusive one. however, this song unwittingly took on a life of its own and kind of ended up being about some abusive situation. i just want to clarify that there is poetic license happening here, and while i am really sad and upset about this thing that happened, i’m okay, and the most important relationships in my life are okay.

anyway, this is maybe one of those songs that’s just for me. i don’t really write those, so i’m trying to understand and not be so precious about it. but maybe i did manage to impart some feelings that other people can relate to. i hope that's the case, but at the same time if you *can* relate, i am so very sorry, and i love you.

#folk #singersongwriter #sad #waltz #acoustic #girlwithguitar #guitar #heartbreak #breakup (of sorts) #heavy

(believe it or not, this is… in standard tuning?)

thanks and love to @riverc for helping me bounce ideas around

Lyrics

Gm F6sus4/Bb Gm F
how did it end this badly?
Gm F6sus4/Bb
i made a home in this place
Gm F
willing and gladly

Dm7 Gm
danced my hands upturned
Ebmaj7
under new and verdant things
Dm7 Gm
they say fire must burn
Ebmaj7
for the springtime to sing

i felt so safe on this mountain
should i have known deep down
was a roiling fountain?

was it the scars on my feet
or my weightless, tiptoe steps
made me numb to the heat,
made me reach to caress?

made me doubt what i felt
miss the signs of erosion
made me lean in to help
when i met the explosion

Gm F Bb Gm F
Gm F Bb Gm F

pain makes a fool of us, sadly
i planted my knees in your magma
willing and gladly

clutched igneous rocks
and worried them flat
‘til they smoothed to stone
then i gave them back

i felt so safe on this hillside
should i have known deep down
that i was too bright-eyed

we were swimming in blooms
and drowning in birdsong
now it’s smoldering silence
was it there all along?

we were gasping at stars
and dreaming of out there
now i’m grasping at scars
and the ash in the air

how did it end this badly?
we made a home in this place
willing and gladly

danced our hands upturned
under new and verdant things
but they say fire must burn

Comments

@nwhosings 2d

The idea of leaning in to help when you meet the explosion is one I get, so deeply.
I like the standard tuning, it's less open than a lot of your other stuff, which really works here, the added harmonics full out the landscape set up by that minimalist strumming.
Using a place of safety being revealed to be there than what you took it for is a really effective tool to communication cate a myriad of emotions.

@jinx 5d

Wonderful chord progression, and such a beautiful lyric – I love all the nature imagery, that makes it even more powerful.

@cmharwood89 5d

This is so pretty. The 3/4 time works really well for building the dramatic atmosphere. I know you said you wrapped this in too many metaphors, and maybe the details are just for you, but the sense of heartbreak is communicated with crystal clarity. I love the imagery.

And my god, what a voice. You're vocalizations alone are enough to bring a tear during the chorus.

@mikedebenham 5d

I think I've commented before on how you sing with a rare combination of artistry and genuine emotion. It's an amazing thing. I love the imagery here - 'was it the scars on my feet/ or my weightless tiptoe steps' is a wonderful sequence of words before you even get to the meaning. A beautiful, heart-breaking song.

@tawny249 1w

I don't have anything poetic to say about this incredibly poetic song, I'm kinda brain fried at the moment. I just hope you are ok, even if it's not about actual abuse. It's a beautiful piece, and I can see all the various poetic techniques employed, and I'm impressed by not only those but the fact that you got through this singing so honestly without losing it...but I wish you hadn't needed to write this. *hug*

@summerrussell 1w

This is as piercing, as painfully beautiful a poetic elegy as any I've ever heard.
I somehow needed to taste this song a little at a time, like three courses at a table--I came here and read the lyrics when you shared them. There are lines that smite me, even in the silent reading of my mind, but in your hand that doesn't surprise me at all.

"we were swimming in blooms
and drowning in birdsong"

"was it the scars on my feet
or my weightless, tiptoe steps"

Ooof.

And then I sat back and listened, not looking at the words, and I just feel your heartbreak, let your voice paint these extraordinarily vivid pictures from the core of your soul. It echoes around in my head, and it is stunning, and I'm so sorry that it springs up from your grief and loss. But it helps me be here with you, too.

And when I listen and read at the same time, I get to absorb it as a whole, and it's a gift. I just want to hug you forever. Thank you for putting this achingly vulnerable work into the world.

@abudabard12514 1w

This is some bone deep chilled honesty too. Very very nice

@abudabard12514 1w

Oh that's lovely. Picked clean and everything. Connie Converse herself couldn't have done it better

@tan482 1w

Ooh.. these lyrics are just divine. I can feel the heartbreak in your vocals but it just makes the song all the more beautiful. I really love your use of words that I wouldn’t normally hear in songs, like “igneous” and “verdant” and “magma”.

@harperjen 1w

Evocative. I love the different melodies and how they help to vary the intensity of the song. And the imagery is vivid, and the hurt is real. *hugs*

@ericdistadMod 1w

The imagery works so well - It connects deeply. The pensive waltz and the rhythm shifts and the chord voicings merge together perfectly.

This is a keeper - albeit maybe a painful one - but it resonates with that loss.

Fantastic work!

@quadrivium 1w

I love the vocal slide you do on the words "willing and gladly.” As always, I really enjoy your guitar vocings and chords and gorgeous gorgeous voice. Also, I of course don’t know what inspired the song, but Big hugs and much love.

@sheamiejay 1w

I really like the bold movements of the melody and the range of dynamics you employ in this. Those choices give your words extra weight and heighten the tension. I like the idea of drowning in birdsong.

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