My Weapon of Healing

by @nwhosings

My Weapon of Healing
nwhosings
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Liner Notes

This song is very important to me.
Forgiveness is a fraught topic for me. I grew up in Fundamentalist Christianity and forgiveness was one of those theological topics that was taught to benefit the people in power, not the other way around.
I cut contact with my parents four years ago and while it has made my life infinitely better, it hasn’t been without its own struggles.
One of which is how to feel about forgiveness.
I don’t want to hold onto anger, grudges, but neither do I want to leave those roads of connection open. I needed to make forgiveness a sword. Something to sever and cleanse without adding to the wounds.
Musically, I had no ideas, until I started playing major chords. Suddenly I felt like I was playing worship songs, and everything started to flow.
Recording-wise, this song took me so many takes. Even with the one I’m putting up I can hear the hesitation in my voice, the false notes before I find the center.
We sing who we are, and who I am both needs to sing and post this, and I find it a bit scary.
So to quote Adele, please go easy on me.
#deconstruction #exvangelical #forgiveness #songspells #personwithpiano #singersongwriter

Lyrics

I owe you nothing
There’s no roads between
The path that is me and the path that is you
Our circles don’t meet

Icicles hanging
Toothed cold in the night
So cold to the touch that it feels like a flame’s
Set you alight

I draw my sword,
Folded steel forged,
In the fires of denial
Each personal trial
I’ve fought my way through
I forgive you

We’re not connected
Those tendrils have died
Our garden has withered, blackened and shivered
My tears have all dried

Water is stronger,
Feeds as well as remembers
There’s no gas to light here, I’ve left all my fright here
Wrapped ‘round your treasures

I draw my sword
Folded steel forged
In the fires of loneliness
I won’t measure up, I guess
I never cared to,
I, I forgive you

I draw my sword
Folded steel forged
In the fires of denial
Each personal trial
I’ve fought my way through
I forgive you
I forgive you

Comments

[avatar]
@theodamus
Wow wow wow this is absolutely beautiful ❤️it’s heartbreaking but the major chords start to heal it at the same time. You use a few melodic devices that are really effective, the little run down on the end of some lines like “alight”, and the powerful run up to a gentle “I forgive you”. Forgiveness is a sword is such a good metaphor. You may hear hesitation but your voice is absolutely on show here, the range power and control are all really impressive. Beautiful song x
[avatar]
@mahtowin
You got such a powerful voice! So beautiful!
I love the lyrics- mostly the lines:
Water is stronger,
Feeds as well as remembers
There’s no gas to light here, I’ve left all my fright here
[avatar]
@richardmasters
I was raised Christian but not Evangelical, even so, there's much for me to relate to in your stirring, stirling lyrics - the line about there being no roads between your paths, and the denial, personal trial. Really powerful and glad you have it in you to forgive.
[avatar]
@bijou
A beautiful and powerful song. I can resonate with this experience as I ran away from home over 10 years ago and left my religion and family. Forgiveness is hard and it takes time.
[avatar]
@tawny249
Strength to your sword arm. This is gorgeous and heartfelt singing and playing, with vivid imagery. I have always found it difficult to cut people out of my life unless the bond fell away naturally over time. But I think it would take a lot of courage to do that when it really needs to happen. Thanks for being brave enough to post this.
[avatar]
@philkmills
Good all the way through, but I especially like the ending that seems to go from exultation to calm and confident .
[avatar]
@wylddandelyon
A clean severing of a connection can be the best thing in the world to allow healing, and to allow the release of all that negative stuff that forgiveness is alleged to magically accomplish. But if you're still bound to a person that harmed you and who has not changed, you can't let go of all that, because those feelings are there to remind you to protect yourself. I love your image of a Sword of Healing to do that severing.
[avatar]
@alyxanderjames
I love the concept here! And the execution is also just right, it makes sense that this would've been a hard one to sing, but your authenticity and vulnerability in sharing it are a gift. 💜
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