FAWM: "The Clouds Of Payback"

The Clouds Of Payback

2 weeks ago by @hamiltonpoolhall

The Clouds Of Payback

hamiltonpoolhall

00:00

Liner Notes

#nonet #acousticonetake #onemic
I found this idea posted by @wobbiewobbit in the forum and decided to take a shot at it. My next stop was the #muse tool, where the very first prompt was "clouds of the payback." I took a little, ahem, poetic license, wrote three nonet verses, and here we are.

Lyrics

The clouds of payback rolling forward
Sing a military song that’s
Borne upon the wings of rage
Swept ever forward by
The bitter breath of
Every notion
Starved of the
Simple
Truth

The clouds of payback rolling out of
every valley suffering from
Drought of any kind rise most
Of all wherever true
Compassion turns to
Dust beneath the
boots of those
Who know
Best

The clouds of payback rolling over
Anything still standing in the
Path of retribution must
Eventually choke
Upon their own blight
And dissipate
But who can
Hold their
Breathe

Comments

@mikeskliar 2d

fantastic images, sadly so appropriate for some of the crazy things happening these days. love the way you effortlessly turned this nonet idea into a fully formed thing- sounds so fine, and there's alot to mull over! (who can hold their breath indeed! what a great way to sum it all up!)

@spinhead 3d

So very Bruce Cockburn. The licks between the verses are so tasty.

@philnorman 4d

The internal rhymes and cadence are so strong, I enjoyed scanning the lyric ahead and trying to catch them before they hit my ear. The shortening lines make for visual poetry, too. The guitar part feels like an old friend in a rocking chair, just picking and grooving away the evening.

@fearlessflight2014 1w

I’ve never tried these kind of lyric form restrictions because they often come across a bit contrived. But this is absolutely masterful. It flows so beautifully with such dark undercurrents. You are such a great lyricist as well as a hell of a musician.

@pippa 1w

I didn't know what a nonet was until I counted lines and then syllables. How you managed to align all of that with such meaning amazes me. And I've always loved your guitar-playing.

@singbiosis 1w

I always love your stuff, and you keep surprising me. Very compelling and intriguing lyrics that I'm still savoring (and holding my breath). "Starved of the simple truth" – yes.

@ductapeguyMod 1w

You make these nonets flow like a casual conversation. And the lyrics look oh so pretty.

@wobbiewobbit 2w

lovely stuff. I love the close up acoustic delivery, reminded me of Elvis Costello and has such a spat out but smooth flow in the phrasing, Glad you did the nonet challenge!

@davidtaro 2w

The nonet is a new one to me. But yours would stand up as a poem in its own right. "Sing a military song that's borne upon the wings of rage" is great writing. Love how you just casually pick out the melody line between verses like it's no big deal. And that final string rake is perfection. Nice!

@leah0k 2w

Those solid, plucky riffs are so tasty. I like the triangular visual arrangement of the lyrics too- quite pleasing to the eye.

@richaaaay 2w

Fantastic creative nonet. Had never heard of a nonet but now I know. I really like the guitar breaks where you play the melody from the verses, or variations thereof. Stellar work, always inspiring.

@pcob1993 2w

You kill me dude, every time. Hope for love and music comes flooding in whenever I hear you picking. I can't believe I'm so lucky to hear you again.
Take care and God bless you. Thank you.

@bethdesombre 2w

What a cool form! Your slight cheating (the repetition) makes it sound much more naturally song-like. I'm impressed at what you did with clouds of payback. I hope you're right about their eventual dissolution. (And, of course, that I love your guitar playing goes without saying, except that I should probably say it occasionally.) I'm so glad to get to listen to your songs!

@ballyhoot 2w

I like the acoustic guitar in this song -- Nicely executed. It pairs well with the simple percussion. Vocals work quite well, too, and I like how the words sort of tumble out in a rush to get to the end.